Interview with a social deviant, Part 1
"Hi guys! My name is Alyssa Gillespine, and I am here to share my life experiences with you, so that you can get to know me better. My creator has managed to gather quite a few questions to start this interview with, and it's taken me quite a while to answer them all, but I have finally managed to finish this lot. So, without further ado, here's my interview. Enjoy! "
Questions from Drakhael
"'Why' what? Why do I act like a crazy child? Why do I randomly show my pants at people? Why am I all hooked up with change? Why do I love furries? Why am I trying to do the moonwalk with high-heeled shoes? Why are you asking me such a simple, yet very philosophical question? Why are Gattan butterflies so important to determine the weather patterns in Canrif? I mean, come on, be more specific than that! I know you can!"
Furries. What the hell?
"Ah, much bet...wait, what? What do you mean, 'furries, what the hell'? I mean, just, just look at them." *Takes photos of Kora and Kitsune out, and waves them in front of interviewer*. "I mean, look at them. They are soooooo cuuuuuute! It makes me want to hug them, cuddle them, stroke them, grope them, make them have a bath, put ribbons on them... If you don't feel that way too, then you, sir, have no heart. No heart at all." *Squees excitingly for a while, then goes back in serious mode* "The other good things about furries, apart from the fur, obviously, is that most of them have tails, and some of them have tentacles. And you can do many things with tails and tentacles...if you know what I mean. It's just like having sex with both a man and a woman at the same time! Or like watching two naked girls making sweet love with each other! Or like having two full chocolate cakes! And you, sir. You strike me as one that likes only one cake at a time. I guess we will need to correct that." *winks, and starts laughing*
Questions from PrideAlchemist7
Do you use more then one gun?
"You mean, as in guns akimbo? Why, yes, yes of course! It's really awesome to wield two guns, or two machine guns, or a machine gun and a shotgun, or two shotguns, or... Yes, I am totally into wielding two firearms at the same time. But only when I don't really care about who I end up killing. Because, you see, guns akimbo may look good, but they fail at precision tasks. Totally. In those cases, I prefer to use my trusty revolver. Wait, did I just call it 'revolver'? The way it manages to shoot at faraway people, you would think that it is a sniper rifle in disguise...
But maybe you meant more than one type of gun? Well, in that case, I do use different types of firearms. I have used machine guns, shotguns, rocket launchers... On one occasion, I have used a rocket propelled chainsaw. Made a complete mess of things. It was so awesome!. But I prefer to use small arms, like revolvers and Uzis. Easy to hide and carry around, you see.
Or maybe, maybe" *comes dangerously close to the interviewer, staring down her eyes.* "maybe you mean if I carry more than one gun at any given time. Well, you see, if it's small firearms, then I will gladly carry as many as I need before I am required to 'intervene', as it is. My revolver gets precedence over anything else, however. As for bigger weapons, I usually pick them up as I go along. Satisfied? Good" *Kisses interviewer in the lips, then skips back to her chair, performing a little dance and singing 'Crazy Loop'*
Questions from spiremint
So you have a scarf and brooch that have butterfly motifs. What would you do if someone asked to try them on? Would it depend on your current disguise, or would you never let go of them because of what they mean to you?
"Hmm...I have never really thought of that before. I mean, if you have a good look at me, chances are people are going to ask me to take off my clothes and leave them off, and not so that they can try them on themselves afterwords. Although, I guess there may be people with that kind of fetish...Anyway, I don't see any objection with letting people try them on. I will just have to tell them to take care of them, as they are important to me. And maybe rant on why they are important. Of course, if they suddenly decide they want to keep them...Well, I will make them meet my old friend Snipy." *whips out her revolver*. "And Snipy has more than one way to convince people. Don't you, Snipy? My dear, dear, Snipy..." *caresses the gun lovingly*. "And of course, there's no need to say that the brooch is off limits. Too important for me to risk it in the hands of other people."
I bet you've had sex with some species that would otherwise seem gross and alarming to us normal Earth people. That makes me wonder if you've ever gotten exotic STDs...?
*Chuckles* "You would think that, would you? Surprisingly enough, I have never had an SDT in my life. Though, it's not really surprising by Gattan standards. There are a lot of furries going round, you see, and as the old saying goes, 'love is blind'. So you would have to make special contraceptives to cater for those who have been struck by love, right? And you might also want to develop some drugs to counteract any exotic diseases, and maybe improve your sex drive as well, so that you can be on par with your clients. When I was a professional 'companion' in the Badlands, I was required by contract to use them, and I still use them now. You might ask yourself, why bother? After all, wouldn't an outbreak of a lethal STD be a good way to provoke change, you may ask? And what about bastard babies? But the thing with STDs, is that they act too slowly and too unpredictably for my liking, and for it to have any value for my clients. There's also the chance I get affected as well. And that would not be cool. As for babies...well, apart from the fact that children can be so unpredictable, as I will explain later, I would have to go through pregnancy, which could get in the way of my current line of work at the moment. Perhaps I will consider that sometime later in my life, but for now, it's just sex, drugs, and the ol' rock 'n' roll for little old me."
Why don't you know how to drive?
"Eh, too complicated for me. There are so many things to consider, so many rules to obey, and so much stuff to do, that I just can't cope with it. One of my 'boyfriends', back when I was in the gang, once tried to teach me how to drive. It took half a lesson, and a mega accident just outside the base, to put him off.
You might just think that this could be useful for my purposes...but, without control of the vehicle, I can't really plan things out without causing a complete and unintended mess. Also, I could die in one of those accidents, and that would not do me good.
So I stick to my philosophy of 'why drive, when you can be driven.'" *winks* "And so far, it has done me good. I have yet to be betrayed by my own drivers."
You just sent a downtrodden, bullied child to school bristling with firearms to shoot their classmates with. How would you leave your butterfly 'calling card' for this particular change?
"Hmm...quite an interesting question, this. It depends on what change set the child to go on a killing spree, to be honest. In the most likely scenario, I would have been the 'Butterfly Queen bitch' girl getting bullies to push him over the edge, because of his ugliness, geekyness, or whatever I see 'wrong' about him. I might have been the one bullying him. And in that case, I would do that in full view, with a rather big audience, and with highly visible butterflies on my clothes.
Ideally, if I could time it right, I would collect a few butterflies and put them in the path of his killing spree, to create some sort of John Woo action scene where butterflies and bullets fly around...but kids are so damn unpredictable, that it could probably too late a stage to do so."
Here's a question stemming off from that: Would you be willing to make something that drastic happen to a populous of children, or do you have morals against something like that?
"Morals? Against corrupting children? Against provoking tragic life changing events? You've got to be kidding me!" *chuckles* "Children are so malleable, and so unpredictable, that I always spend loads of time finding out how a certain change has affected them, and will probably affect them for the rest of their lives, if the occasion arises. But it's this very unpredictability that makes them useless, and potentially harmful, for me, other than to satisfy my curiosity about human behavior. Generally, when people hire me to change something, they want certain results out of the bargain. And if I don't meet those results, then they cut me out of all of my toys. Worse still, they generally frown upon people harming their children. And I really don't want them against me. Hell, I actually proposed to my boss that setting a task force to punish those who harmed children would give good PR to our gang, back when I was in the Badlands. I once saw how this task force dealt with a pedophile. Now, that can put you off harming children for the rest of your life."
Questions from TrickStarCircus
Have you ever used a claymore?
"Dude, I have used pretty much every bomb and firework that has ever been made. Excluding, of course, the big ones, ones that could destroy entire cities, such as nukes. I've used claymores a couple of times, to get rid of enemy gang militia, or as a back-up plan and escape routes. But I generally prefer using C-4 explosive. Much more flexible and suitable to my needs."
What's your favorite firearm?
"The revolver. Definitely the revolver. Especially one that's so powerful, and so precise, that it rivals many other guns at mid range. But it's not the power I really like about it. It's the number of bullets that it can hold that really fascinates me. And that old concept where an expert gunman can end a fight with just six bullets, no need to reload. I constantly challenge myself to apply this concept when making a change that involves firearms. And I can tell you, it is really, really hard to just use six bullets for all of your needs."
What's your favorite dance move?
"Anything done by Michael Jackson, but the moonwalk has a special place in my heart. I often find myself doing them as a reverse unflinching walk when getting away from an explosion, just because it's so awesome. It's really sad that he died in such a way..."
Out of all the breasts you've felt, which had the most bounce?
"Eh...I have felt many breasts in my life, and I usually tend to forget the people they belong to, so I can't really tell who had the most bounce. But I usually find that furries generally have a bigger breast, and thus a bigger bounce, than any normal human, even ones that have the most common superpower. I suppose it's part of their animal genes. I mean, usually animals have more than one child, and they have lots of nipples so that they can distribute the milk evenly between their pups. But since humans have just two nipples...well, they have to, you know, compensate in some way.
Of course, that's just my theory about it. I am sure there are biologists out there, wanting to strangle me for uttering such utterly wrong conjectures. If there are biologists amongst you, then please feel free to enlighten me. As long as you do so in layman terms. Can't stand people talking hours on end about hard stuff I cannot understand."
If you could be a character in a videogame who would you be?
"I think I would go for a female, red-haired, renegade Commander Shepard. She can be really funny at times. I often go on YouTube and watch that video in which she zaps the mechanic over and over again, just for that awesome one liner she says: "You're working too hard"." *acts it out in front of the interviewer*. "That's just so awesome. I hope I can get to do that myself one day.
Another of my favourite characters, from Mass Effect 2, would be Mordin Solus. It's just, just, the way he talks. It's so damn cool! I hope the next guy I hook up from SARS is just like this.
Last but not least, there's Harley Quinn from Arkham Asylum. She's like me, in a way, only a more childish attitude, and an awesome uniform to boot. Pity she got beaten by Batman like that. I would have hoped she would have put more of a fight..."
Dead or Alive or Soul Calibur?
"Aahh, that's a hard choice you put me there. Both have interesting females, and both have very big and bouncy boobs. But I guess my favorite one would be Soul Calibur. I like the gameplay better there, you can chain combos much easier than Dead or Alive. It also has quite a few interesting characters, especially the female ones, such as Talim, Tira, Amy, Xianghua, and Ivy...ooooh, Ivy. Just, just look at her boobs. How can she manage to keep them like that? Do they have their own gravity or something?
Also, you get to play as Darth Vader and Yoda. Lightsabers anyone?"
If you were a pizza what would your toppings be?
"I'd let the chef decide, see how he imagines me. Doesn't really matter that much to me. Pizza is always tasty, regardless of what you put on it. Well, maybe not if you put too many french fries on it..."
Out of all the wanted posters[or rather, the OCBZ Roster] who would you like to encounter most?
"There are far too many people on the roster that I would really like to meet. I wouldn't even know where to start. There's this female golem who's currently attempting to reach a 'Bloodspring' of sorts, the red-haired copy-cat girl she has absorbed, the kitsune, the guy made up of wasp nests...my creator tells me that I have a score to settle with him. Thing is, I can't even remember meeting him... And neither that sort of Irish 'demon' which can manipulate music. Dunno what the hell my creator has got into his mind... and the above list is nothing compared to the amount of people I would like to meet.
But the most interesting characters I would like to meet are not actually on the roaster. Not yet, anyway. To start with, there's this girl who can change herself in different animals who basically wants to wreck stuff. And the small girl who has a demon inside her. And the white anarchist with the masks. I heard from my creator that I was going to meet them all and join up with them, and maybe others as well, but there's been some problems, mainly the fact that their creators are not around enough, and he had to abandon that idea. Which is a pity, really. I really would have liked to meet Kora, at least...
Then there's Agate Lyon. Now him is one I remember having a score to settle with. That bastard, and his plans to change the Badlands, have ruined my pet project, just for the sake of restoring the city to it's former glory. Boring. I shall get my own back on him when he least expects it.
My creator also has some ideas for characters that I would really like to meet. Amongst them, there's a dryad, a dark magical girl, a mad priest who is constantly breaking the fourth wall, and a chinese girl who's going to turn into a furry...wait, that was supposed to be a secret? Oh sorry." *Chuckles, clearly not sorry at all*
"But the person I would really like to meet is Kendra Williams. I've first heard about her when I hacked into some poor guy's computer, who somehow had a picture of her naked body, along with some data, all done in standard SARS format. I was quite interested in finding out why such a guy would have such a girl on his laptop, so I tried finding out more information about her, and that 'Project Antropy', or whatever it is called, that she is connected to. But the more information I got, the more I got confused. I mean, the data on her kept varying quite a lot. One time, she is just this normal human girl, nothing special about her, except, maybe, the fact that she didn't age. Another time, she is a cyborg powerhouse wielding a katana. In another document, she's just your average android, working in the sewers. She has also been an agent of the devil, giving out pamphlets to people, or something like that. Lately, she's the android 'daughter' of a mage. In one of these histories, she has a brother, Kyran. In another, she has a sister, Kyza. And the documents usually mentions a homeless guy called Ivan, a guy called Coaster, and a drug dealer called Regina, though how they connect to her is a mystery to me. Even my creator is confused. The only thing that seems to remain constant is her name.
I would really like to find out more about what she is, where she comes from, and how she can change her past so easily. Is she another Butterfly like me, I wonder?. But most importantly, I want to find out what SARS has got to do with it. Because this amount of confusion from SARS is completely illogical for them. It looks like they are trying to hide something. And I wonder just what would happen if such a secret were exposed..." *sinister laugh*
Questions from TheStorageGnome
What's the best disguise you've ever pulled off? Was it successful?
"Well, I've had my crowning moments of awesome with many of the disguises I have worn. I couldn't really tell which one of them was the best. But I think the best one I managed to pull off was during the 'one hour crisis' mission I did for my former gang. The original plan was to steal some sort of lucky charm the boss had, to cripple their morale, and give my gang the chance to take them over easily. I just had to get past security, get the charm, and get out, with none the wiser. I had three disguises and loads of plans prepared for that, and a couple of explosives ready, just in case.
It all started to fall to pieces when, midway through the second disguise, I find out that the gang had hired some supers. The hard way. When the first one saw through my facade, I had to shoot the guards down before they could even try to stop me. But that lead to some rather unfortunate complications, and I had to improvise through something like six or seven different disguises, each of them foiled by some security camera or some other super I hadn't known about. In the end, I wound up in the armory, decided to throw the original plan out of the window, and blow up the whole building. And the crowning moment of funny of all of it was to pass within inches of the super that had started the whole of this mess, as I was going out of the gang's base. The poor chap only realized it was me seconds before the bombs went off." *Chucles*
"Pizza. That's it. There really isn't much to say more than that."
"Any body of water that is more than five centimeters deep. Seriously, I just can't get myself near them, ever since...ever since...err, can't we talk about something else now, please?"
"If you count all the furries I have had sex with as a love interest, then yes, I do have a love interest. But I assume that you mean a specific one, yes? Well, at the moment, I don't have any love interests, as you put it. With all the things I do, it would be quite difficult for me to maintain a stable relationship, and for my partner to keep up with me. But maybe in a couple of years time...maybe...or maybe I just get a random partner, get pregnant, then give away the baby to the first decent family I see, and see how it goes on from there."
"Well, that's part one of this interview done, my friends. If you still have any questions to ask me, then feel free to come over and ask." *smiles and winks* "See ya later!"